i don’t know. i have so much pent up anger and stress right now it’s incredible. so worried about being able to pay for college. so worried about the relationships with my friends. and there’s just other shit that’s being done that isn’t helping me cope at all. i probably need to get laid or something. this world is really fucked up too. the feeling of compassion has declined greatly. people don’t have integrity or any of kind of sense of wrongness. everyone is becoming more apathetic i feel like. no really gives a shit unless you’re benefitting them. your closest friend would probably leave you in an instance if you didn’t agree with them whole heartedly and allow them to do things when and how they want. everyone wants something from you or else they threaten you with someone. “if you don’t appreciate me, someone else will”. trying to send you on this spiral of guilt, bunch of bullshit. i swear i’m a simple person. just don’t do dumb shit and if personally tell you not to do something because it bothers me, please respect that. but then that request causes conflict in it’s own. it’s difficult as fuck to remain happy when you sacrifice yourself and your sanity to make sure others have a smile on their face. some of the shit people ask me (or tell me in some cases) to do, i want to deny, all justifiable and reasonable though, but i hold my tongue constantly to ensure that i don’t make shit bigger than it is. even though things are really simple to begin with. why do i have to pay for fuccin college man, i’m paying to better myself essentially, that’s really fucking logical. i hate myself. i wish there was a way i could somehow be put into a coma for a week or two and come back fresh or some shit like that. i’m just tired man and no one understands the shit i try to describe. the frustration, the constant feeling of being pulled back. risking everything but never having the favor returned. k don’t get it, honestly. we’re all here on earth together so we might as well help each other. not make things so fucking difficult man, fuck. fuck me. i hate myself. goodnight.